Speaking up when you don't want to

I tell you what. God tells you to do something and you do it, because in my experience it pretty much isn't possible to tell God no, at least for very long. Right so the story.
Last night was the young adult group and I ended up not having to work so I went, mostly because it was at my house. It was fully my intention to not talk at all, partly because I feel like the same people always talk. (of which I tend to be one) and partly because I haven't really been very consistent with this group because of work and things.
Firstly it started out with a big discussion about group dynamics. People breaking off into smaller groups and how that effects the larger group as a whole and such. Basically some things have happened lately and people were upset with each other. Well someone brought it up and people were dancing around the issue addressing things that weren't really the problem, and I decided to cut to the chase. (whoever invented that saying anyway and what does it really mean?) which is really odd for me. You have to understand that at the first sign of conflict I generally run away or if I can't I shut down fast. But I was excited to see that I'm getting better about working things out.
Ok now the study was about prayer and whenever that topic comes up generally it includes the idea that with enough faith we can move mountains (i.e. miracles of all kinds) Now whenever this idea comes up I end up feeling guilty about my dad dying. Was it because I didn't have enough faith? Not the kind of question I really want to be asking a group of 20 or so of my peers. Unfortunately God decided I needed to ask it. You know that feeling you get when you are arguing with yourself until you realize that you wouldn't be having that argument if it was up to you because you REALLY don't want to do it. Anyway I of course ended up crying while I asked it. So I felt like and idiot. Partly because I absolutely hate crying in front of people and partly because some people in our group cry seriously every week and it gets to be a bit much for everyone, and I don't want to be like that at all. I turned out that only one person answered my question (which ended up being not so specific about my dad because I didn't really want to talk about my life just the idea that one could feel guilty about getting a "no" from God) but I'm hoping God did something with it because I just felt weird for the rest of the night.