Picture perfect!

I'm so excited for Tuesdays. My housemates, Annie and Myself are going to start our own accountability group. (All the girls in the photo posted here) I'm probably over picky, but I choose to start this group with 4 and no more simply because I know I can trust all of these girls. We've shared some tough times, sometimes they've supported me and sometimes I support them. This really is a dream come true. I desired for this to happen all summer, and hoped for it to happen this Fall. Now I realize that it's exclusive and I'm not looking for others to join, but we have a young adult group that meets and it's just too hard to open up in a group of 14 peers. No way do I trust all those people. And no way will I get the closeness that I need. Selfish perhaps? But even Jesus had close friends. So Tuesday night dinners are on, and my next project is to find a good book to go through that we can work on together that won't be too much added work for the girls, well girl, still in college. Any suggestions welcome. :)

Camden

Sometimes in life I find myself caring about certain people's lives more than the usual amount. I think it may be the mommy side of me that thinks they need extra care, and I just end up feeling burdened to pray for them. Camden is one of those guys. Now to look at him you'd think he has it all. He really is completely amazing. He's a genius with music, has a black belt in something or other, knows something about everything, dances, pretty much I figure there isn't anything this guy can't do. This is all background however.
I managed to catch a bit of a gig he was playing in tonight. I was walking home from the track at the university I used to attend, and it was music night at the campus coffee shop. It was outdoors so I didn't have to sit by anyone or be noticed (I was after all really stinky from running ewew) But as I watched Camden play I realized that it's highly likely that people often tell him that he's super cool about music and very talented. I began to wonder how often he gets told that he is a great guy besides that. Humble and gracious. sweet and caring about the people in his life. Sensitive, sometimes too much, but all the same, so many great qualities that likely don't get brought up in the light of his musical talent.
I'd like to say that when I watch Camden him play, no matter what it is, I see his passion for music, I see him using a gift God gave him, I see him enjoying himself, and it makes me desire closeness with God. It's not something I've ever thought about before. Yes I've known for some time that music, at least the kind that has Godly lyrics, moves me to pursue God, But I've never before had someone else’s passion for something move me to the same place.
I'm bloging this mostly because I don't feel necessarily that it would be appropriate to tell him all of this. But because I needed someone else to know how great he is.

God? Who is He?

I've been reading a devotional of sorts about the different names for God and what they mean. It really is facinating. I find myself thinking during the day about which name applies to certain situations, and It really is neat to know that God has a name for different attributes. Example. You know the song Adonai? Do you know what they are singin? I didn't until Saturday. Adonai means Master. As in you are the servent. Wow huh. I can't really go into all the detail of what that means simply because it would take me forever I'm terribly verbose as it is. But along with God being our master he is the ultimate provider for our everything... El Shaddai. God is more than enough for every need or desire in our life, but first we need to surrender ourselves completely and call him master. Only in doing that will we ever be totally free.

How do you let go?

I think I may be one of those people who just over analyze everything. But that’s how it goes sometimes. I'm in the middle of a situation where I need to let go of something that I actually want but know isn't good for me right now. I was in the middle of puzzling how to go about this when it occurred to me that every time I've had to let go of something in my life up to this point it's been a situation of release because there is no other choice. People die, families move, friends get married, and you move on because you have to. Time plays a big part in this as well as just the idea that there is nothing you can do about it, it's completely out of your hands. But how does it work when you know you need to let go but you have another option, albeit not a healthy one for your emotional or spiritual well being, but another option nonetheless. Somehow it makes the situation more difficult. No matter that on paper it seems so easy. "Well really an option where it affects your emotional and spiritual well being isn't really and option" Yes and that’s the reason for this blog, however that doesn't help me untangle my emotions from the situation, nor does it give me practical things to do to help me move on. I just want to feel like I can do something, It can't be just time that heals. Sometimes we need a little doctoring and therapy too. My dilemma? What to do. What to do! What to do?

Charlie the Jedi

Ok so I just about died laughing the other morning. Charlie my 3 year old nephew is enthralled with Star Wars. He is going to be one of the characters for Halloween, owns light sabers and watches the movies a lot. He has a great imagination and things he's a jedi. The other day he told me he was checking his e-mail and when I asked him if he got any mail he promptly replied very serious that he only got something from the jedi council. A couple of mornings later as we were all sitting in the toy room and I was trying to read a book, Charlie started playing the xylophone and when I told him to stop please because it was really loud, he told me again very serious "It was the dark side Abby. But I won't do it again."
Can I just say that I love this kid and he makes me laugh at least once a day if not more.

I think I hate 9/11

As I was sitting in DQ with some friends tonight the started talking about.. oh big surprise 9/11 I must admit that It hadn't really crossed my mind until they started remembering where they were when it happened and how the felt. I sat in silence just listening and remembering what that day meant to me and it suddenly dawned on me why I've never liked talking about that day. Now in theory you're probably thinking something like "ya that was a terrible day" "such a tragedy" and don't get me wrong those things are true, but I just don't want to hear another word about it. I know it's a terrible attitude to have as a Christian but honestly I won't ever really care what happened. Now before you decide that I'm a completely terrible person and I should rot for saying that, lets rehash what I was going though.
Lets see oh yes how could I possible forget. (I didn't by the way) 9/10 ya that would be the day my dad died. Now as odd as it seams I went to school on 9/11 hoping for a normal day. I simply wanted to get lost in the ordinary so I wouldn't have to think about what had happened. Now I find that no matter how much I don't want to be reminded, it's practically a national day of remembering. Very selfishly I simply wish to say that I don't ever want to hear about it again. But as we all know that isn't likely to happen. So I guess as you all take a moment to remember all the people lost in the twin towers, pause and think of a guy who also died at home and that his family was equally affected.

Please totally ignore this blog and realize that all emotions are not necessarily observed year round. Also that I'm not always this unfeeling about other people's losses. I do realize that their deaths were incredibly more traumatic and sudden than my fathers and I'm being a bit ridiculous in the blog. Once again please totally ignore this. Thanks

Labor Day fun?

Well monday as you all know was Labor Day, and since I'm STILL unemployed it was yet another day of no work for me :) But seriously, I took the morning and went to duck park to do some journaling, It was a really good time for me, I had intended to write all about how stressid I was about all the relationships in my life. AHH but ended up just giving it all to God and writing about how much I wanted to serve him. Strange how we think something but God has other plans.
The afternoon continued with a float down the Boise River. Loads of fun, but definately didn't help the soreness in my legs.. AHH lunges kill, especially when you havn't done them in a long time. (that was Sundays fun.)