I don't even know

As I was sitting at College group tonight I came to realize some things about me and life, and some questions surfaced... I'm going to cover a couple of topics here so read on or give up.. :)
I got to thinking about how lately I have been getting more and more frustrated with this other church I attend. When I first started attending I was more of the mind that while I perhaps didn't agree with everything being said, there was usually something of worth to the sermon. Just this last time I realized that I no longer find anything good and I only see the bad. This hit me but I didn't go any further than to realize that something had changed. Tonight I realized that while I had started out looking and God and being disappointed and sometimes legitimately angry and what was being said. I had turned my focus off God and onto what was bothering me. In short I haven't been truly following God. Time to change that!
Next is the topic of small groups. It seems that every time I find one I really like and feel like I can truly open up and be vulnerable in, other people join and it no longer feels safe. I don't know what to do here. I know that I desperately need people and a group to encourage and be real with, but in both groups there are people that I simply don't trust to.. I don't even know. Care? or maybe take what I offer as the real me and love that person. This may be a surprise to people reading these who don't know me well, but I am a big joker. I always have some side witticism to inject into conversation, and this tendency get worse if the situation is tense or someone is trying to be too personal with me. So this is the person everyone thinks is me, and yet I feel like although humor is great, Me is actually a deep thinker who desperately wants someone to see that and like that. I mean, I KNOW that people think I'm funny and that they enjoy that me that I show them. But will they like the me that is emotional but doesn't know how to express it? And who do I trust with that. Should I be open with a group of people when some of the number have been known to disregard my feelings more than once. I don't know, and I don't know any more who to be honest with. I just want answers and I so often find myself with nothing but more questions.
I have other questions and other thoughts but enough is enough and I'm done for tonight. I'm starting to just feel overwhelmed.